I’m all lost in the supermarket…

I can no longer shop happily. Here’s what happened to me tonight:

• The least of all Human League songs, “Human,” is now stuck in my head. The least of all Human League songs is saying something, especially for those of us who remember “Mirror Man” and “I Am The Law.” I’m sorry, it was the ’80s, music deeply sucked, and I was really very stoned. Very. And “Don’t You Want Me” rocked, right? Right?
• They moved the bananas to the entrance to the fruit & produce section. Or so it would appear. Bananas up front, where bananas have never been before. But I work my way to the back, and what do I find? Bananas in back, where bananas have ever been before. Fruit & Produce is now bookended by bananas. I don’t know what this means, but if they show up on the third wall next week, I’m switching grocery stores, just to be safe.
• I ran through entire aisles without even looking, meaning I probably missed a mess of stuff I needed, but I just couldn’t deal with those aisles today. Like the battery/detergent/starch aisle. I really couldn’t bear to think about all the things I might need from that aisle, so I skipped it altogether. If my shirts start to look less than starchy fresh, you’ll know why.
• The raisins are on the very bottom shelf. It’s a squat I really just would rather not do. Nothing else I need is on the bottom shelf.
• The conversations of teenage clerks and bag boys are enough to make me want to throttle them, but only because I had those conversations more than 25 years ago, and it doesn’t seem like they needed to be said twice. Apparently I was wrong. My god were we stupid when we were young.