Spam police

I’m trying to think of a way to make a movie about computer crimes that doesn’t involve a lot of hard staring at the screen and typing, and I thought maybe it would make it more interesting if you borrowed one of those hideous ’80s cop movie clichés, like the guy is just one day away from retiring his e-mail account and suddenly he finds that his address has been spoofed and he’s getting back dozens and dozens of bounced e-mails, scrolling down the screen while he screams, “Noooooo!!!!!” And I’m thinking this because it’s happening to me right now. Some bastid (or some bastid’s computer program) has thousands of people thinking I’m sending them an ad for a rabbit-shaped personal relaxation device. I’m not. I have a Mac, I don’t use Outlook, I’m not subject to these ridiculous viruses. I promise. But still, I feel so dirty . . . .

I know, that made no sense at all. I’m a little stressed out. I’m accustomed to being sued, but I have never actually had to go to trial before. The plaintiff’s lawyers are mostly aiming to make me blow up. Our exchanges in the deposition frequently went like this:
Them: Have you ever seen this document before?
Me: Not to my knowledge.
Them: When did you first become aware of this document?
Me: I have not seen this document before.
Them: If someone on your staff had prepared this document, who would have done that?
Me: I don’t know, since I’m unaware of this document and I don’t know why we would have prepared it.

Them: When did this meeting take place?
Me: I couldn’t say.
Them: Why couldn’t you say?
Me: Because I don’t recall.
Them: When do you think it might have taken place?
Me: I don’t recall.
Them: Could you estimate?
Me: I could, but I’d be wrong.

Four hours of that. Twice.

This is karmic payback. Probably for blowing up a frog with a firecracker once. I said I was sorry!!!