Bicycling Q&A

Answers to questions that numerous fictional correspondents have asked me in my head during recent rides.

Q: Is western Rensselaer County hilly?
A: First of all, it’s really hard to think of “western” Rensselaer County. Sandwiched as we are between the mighty Hudson River and the Taconic Ridge that separates the Empire States from the Massachusettses, we are so eastern in orientation, New York State-wise, that it’s hard to think of us as being western in any way. So, let’s rephrase the question:
Q: Is the less-eastern part of Rensselaer County hilly?
A: Why yes, yes it is. It’s pretty much a roller-coaster between here and the Bay State. If you don’t train in the hills, you may want to stay home. If you try it, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Q: Is that why your average speed hovers around a pathetic 14.6 miles per hour?
A: I’ll take issue with “pathetic,” but, yes, what you ride down you must ride back up, and even with the aerobars, you can’t always catch the advantage when sharing the road, and the hills are bears.
Q: What’s the fastest you’ve ever gone on a bicycle?
A: Thanks for asking. It was just this morning. On a long, easy descent with clean pavement and no cars, I hit 45.6 miles per hour.
Q: That’s insane! Mad props!
A: Yeah, kinda. Thanks for the props.
Q: Does butt cream work?
A: We prefer to refer to it by its name of “Body Glide,” but yeah, baby, butt cream works. Look ma, no chafing!
Q: Isn’t a bicyclist’s tan about the goofiest thing imaginable?
A: No. In fact, it’s a sign that the tannee it out there, doing it. That’s cooler than an overall tan.
Q: Yeah, right.
A: Whatever.
Q: Do the cows care?
A: The cows do not care.