Call social services

My poor kids have the world’s most unreliable tooth fairy. I’m pretty sure we didn’t even actively start this ridiculous myth, but once you’re in it, there’s no way out. Unfortunately, ours only appears on the appointed night about half the time — and last night, following an extraction for orthodontic purposes that has left a fairly swollen lip and an uncomfortable child (a procedure that generally fetches five dollars from the mythical realm of the “dentylle folke”), our fairy failed to appear.

I’m going to change this whole thing around — I’ll offer a service through dentists’ offices that guarantees tooth fairy service. While it’s impractical to sneak into people’s homes at night and stuff things under children’s pillows, maybe we can change it so that instead of money under the pillow, kids expect free MP3 downloads to appear in their email. Then at least some good will have come of my inattentive parenting.