Epic Fail

Hershey’s Candy Corn Kisses: Epic Fail. First, I bought them for my sister’s birthday, knowing full well she hates candy corn but thinking they were nothing more than Hershey’s Kisses in a candy corn wrapper. As in, funny. Not as in, putting a taste in your mouth that time cannot erase. I also hate candy corn, and yet I eat it, for such is the duality of existence. Once we found out these were not simple low-rent chocolates in a colorful disguise, I was obliged to try one. Not since the incident of the “circus peanuts” have I had a taste so vile, so unwanted, so unforgettable in my mouth. Now I am obliged to apologize twice to my sister, both for giving her something that isn’t what I thought it was and for giving her something that will poison her, and then a third time for giving her something she now has no way to get rid of, because no person in good conscience would feed these even to Halloween beggars. Thanks for ruining my familial relationship, Hershey’s. And for the love of whatever you people worship down in Pennsylvania, do not EVER make those things again. It’s not funny.