Tree solution
Well, to the disappointment of many (including myself, the guys at the True Value, and probably the neighbors, who would no doubt be getting another free show), the option of calling a tree service actually worked out. For the ridiculously low (but no doubt unreported) fee of $20, somebody dragged his butt all the way from Colonie to fetch a stick off my cable. However, his method has produced new envy, and both of us are now hoping to see a mini-chainsaw attached to a 14-foot-pole under the Christmas tree.